Behind The Green Door : The Sequel (1986)

The Mitchell Brothers release their sequel to the classic Behind The Green Door 14 years after its release. Its also the last film the Mitchell Brothers would do. Its easy to understand why The Sequel doesn't really appeal to many people but I am some what of a fan.
It opens and ends with a weird, almost disturbing looking puppet explaining what we are about to see. In the beginning we are on a plane with some very strange characters. It is all shot P.O.V. style from what is supposed to be Missy Manners character Gloria's perspective. The dubbing is so bad it makes a 70's Hong Kong kung fu flick seem like Shakespeare. The plane has a crash landing for no apparent reason other then maybe for cinematic value and entertainment. Everyone on the plane is fine and we follow Gloria home where we will eventually see her face. Gloria puts on a VHS copy of the original Behind The Green Door at the same time as her neighbor and we get a quick masturbation scene from both parties.
Its not long before we enter the strange familiar swingers world from the original film and some of the scenes are almost reenacted. However this time there will not be a long artsy cum shot sequence because Behind The Green Door : The Sequel almost plays as a public service announcement. The aids epidemic of the time is brought up over and over again and everyone is wearing condoms, latex gloves and using dental dams. What we do get is another swinging trapeze bar sex orgy. A 400 Lb. woman being manhandled. A Transsexual that is way more disturbing then the one in the original. We get a man with the lower body of a horse, Statues who come to life for a swinging good time. They even reenact the dive into the vagina scene.
All in all The Sequel can't even be compared to the originality of the first Green Door but it still manages to be weird and artsy enough to keep my attention. The Sequel is worth owning in my opinion, it just lacks the freshness of the 72 classic.
Check out Behind The Green Door : The Sequel. You can wear a condom and sterilize your body but remember, you're still filthy in your mind.

The Devil In Miss Jones (1973)

Gerard Damiano has his second huge hit after Deep Throat with The Devil In Miss Jones. He brings back Harry Reems and makes Georgina Spelvin a star in the golden age of American pornography.

From the opening scene The Devil In Miss Jones is as far from anything you would see in a porn flick today as possible. It opens up with Georgina Spelvin slashing her wrists and taking her life in a bathtub. The blood spews from her wrists and the bath water turns red. The combination of the graphic suicide and the down trodden music makes for a pretty depressing scene and the film manages to hold this mood till the final. After the opening suicide Spelvin finds herself at a long table discussing her eternity in hell. In the film Spelvin lived a clean life and died a virgin. She tells the man at the table that if she had a life to live over "she would live a life consumed and engulfed by lust", her wish is granted and she is de-virginized by Harry Reems who plays the devil. 

 Reems takes her vaginal and anal virginity and teaches her how to please the opposite sex. Once Spelvin is sent back amongst the living she sinks deeper and deeper into depravity and becomes more jaded with every sex scene. Spelvin does a good job in not only her sex scenes but is convincing as an actress as well. She also delivers some pretty shocking scenes especially for the time. One of which is double penetration scene. Another is a enema in a bathtub and the most memorable image involves a snake. Spelvin allows a snake to slither between her legs and over naked body. She holds the snake to her open mouth and she takes turns flicking tongues with the reptile. The music is excellent and adds a lot of atmosphere to the film.

The films tagline stated If You Have To Go To Hell... Go For A Reason. It suits the film pretty well in a witty way and in the end of the film Spelvin is brought back to the underworld and she excepts her fate in a place with no pleasures of the flesh. The film ends with Georgina Spelvin and the director Gerard Damiano locked in a room. Spelvin sits in front of Damiano and masturbates, begging for him to touch her. Damiano rants on and on about demons and flies coming for him when he sleeps and other nonsense. It makes for a pretty bleak ending and shows the hopelessness that the couple will endure for a eternity.

The Devil In Miss Jones doesn't paint a happy picture and is able to be depressing and sexually stimulating at the same time. All in all its one hell of a movie.

 

Gay Porn & The Bangles

Tonight I was blessed with a visit from one of the Buttplugs most annoying customers. His name is Mike and he is quite the individual. Mike is a mildly retarded homosexual who spends hours scanning through the gay porn section which really isn't that incredibly big.
On a normal night Mike The Gay Tard purchases one DVD at a time and walks in and out of the store to get just the exact amount of money from his car for each individual DVD. The only problem is he usually buys four or five discs at a time. He also can not remember the price of his DVDs even if he  had purchased one just minutes prior.
Tonight however, Mike The Gay Tard was in rare form. As he shuffled through the $19.95  gay porn rack he let out a roar of singing. The whole store craned their necks to see what all the commotion was. Well it was no other then Mike The Gay Tard singing Walk Like An Egyptian from the Bangles with a DVD of man on man ass licking in hand. Naturally I started to chuckle and it wasn't long before all of the customers were giggling to themselves. Mike however was completely oblivious to all the attention that he was getting and went on singing.
A short while after Mike walks up to the register and places his gay porn on the counter. How much is this one?, he asked. $19.95, I reply. He then informs me that he will have to go get the money. When the Gay Tard returns he makes the statement of his life. He says, "You son of a bitch Dillon!" and just stares at me... Eventually he says, do you know what movie that is from? Being a cheesy movie buff, I tell him that it is from Predator. The Gay Tard nods his head up and down and says, "verrrrrry goooood!" He was impressed as was I with his abnormal social skills. He then tells me that he likes to sing and I assured him that I was already aware of this and with that said, he invited me out for a night of Karaoke. I told him I wasn't much of a singer and he excepted it for what it was. He then told me to have a good night and as he headed out the door I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like on a night of Karaoke with Mike The Gay Tard. I'm sure it would be an experience. Next time I might have to except his offer.

Saw : A Hardcore Parody (2010)

One of the better pron parody's to come out in a little while or maybe it just appeals to me. Ron Jeremy takes on the role of the Jigsaw character but in this parody his name is Screwball. Jeremy is killing off the so called stars in the porno industry with stupid contraptions that aren't to far off from something you would see in one of the Saw movies.
The movie opens up with a man who has his penis chained up to a meat grinder and his ass chained to a huge dildo. The man has to take his pick between losing his genitals in true Ted V. Michael's meat grinding fashion or having his anus penetrated by a huge fucking dildo. Right from the beginning Saw : A Hardcore Parody had me laughing and the only audience I could really see this movie arousing would probably be the hardcore fetish crowd because most of the scenes contain bondage, leather hoods, fuck machines, gas masks and other contraptions of the same class.
Once I got to the half way mark I started to sense a sort of mockery towards new pornography or fuck tapes as I like to call it. The movie pays homage to classic porn like Behind The Green Door in more then one scene and as the plot (If you can call it that) unfolds we learn that Screwball (Ron Jeremy) has a deep animosity for new porno movies. His best line in the movie is "you call this smut a film? There is no plot and no climax other then a girl taking a load between the eyes! Wheres the art?" His words were my thoughts exactly and its no secret that I am a avid viewer of classic film in general and pretty much hate the modern format of movie making.
Ron Jeremy has a bit of trouble getting it up at first but eventually manages to keep it up and he digs deep into his old bag of filthy tricks and brings back his infamous countdown. This time he climaxes on the count of 15 seconds and it was nice to see Jeremy do something other then sweat.
This one also managed to keep a good sense of humor and one of the better examples is a scene with a brain-dead porn-star strapped to a electric chair. She has a certain amount of time to spell the word fellatio correctly or she will be fried alive. Another entertaining scene involves Evan Stone in a threesome. Stone is sewn up after a surgery and has a device planted in his chest. He has to keep an erection and last in a hardcore sex scene for 30 minutes. His sewn up chest was actually convincing and a bit disturbing to watch in a sex scene.
Saw : A Hardcore Parody also offers up one squirter, one salad tossing scene, 2 threesomes, one anal scene, eye balls being poked out, a drill through the back of the head and a gang-bang. Worth a watch for anyone who likes horror movies and porn parody's but a better watch for anyone who wants a sleazy flick that isn't afraid to make fun of genre flicks of today.

The Ronaconda

As I have mentioned in previous posts The Buttplug sees lots of people everyday. All sorts of customers from avid pornography renters to dancers who need a new skimpy outfit or just the average misfits and dregs of society. Many of which are regulars. Some regulars are great customers and others are just kind of there.
Today I would like to introduce one of the stores most infamous regulars. He is 50-something-year-old black man named Ron but everyone at my store knows him as The Ronaconda. Ronaconda is an excellent subject for a source of entertainment and I'm sure I will be sharing his exploits on a regular basis.
First off The Ronaconda got his name from the size of his penis. He thought it would be a good idea to send pictures of his big black member to me and all of my coworkers. With a bit of brain and wit on the staff's part down at the buttplug Ron had a new name and he proudly made it a steady word in his everyday vocabulary.
Just so you can get a feel on the type of guy The Ronaconda is. He spends countless hours down at the shop. He usually comes in about two hours to closing time and he cleans up around the place, straightens all the porn out, locks the doors and shuts the lights. The Ronaconda is not employed down at the buttplug but he takes on these tasks for a few free rentals a night. Its not that he is poor or anything, Ronaconda is self employed and makes pretty good money. The real reason that he does work around the shop is that he just plain likes to hang out there. Ronaconda is totally and completely obsessed with sex. In fact its pretty much all he thinks about. Everything he does in life can be related back to his sex drive. I truly believe that the only reason he even works is so he can have money to look nice for the ladies. He is so obsessed with sex that he never leaves the house without his lucky cockring. Every pair of pants the man owns has the imprint in his pocket from his lucky cockring. (The lucky cockring thing kinda reminds me of the John Holmes movie Dear Pam. One of my favorite 70's porns.). So yeah he basically helps us close the store every night just because he digs the atmosphere. The man lives only for the pussy. Actually that's not completely true. The Ronaconda has a pretty big fetish for He/She's a.k.a. chicks with dicks but then again he pretty much has a fetish for everything. He also loves big fat women. The bigger the better, he says. The truth is that The Ronaconda is a whole lot of fun. He's even got great sayings. I quote him, "Ill toss her salad but I wanna wash the lettuce first." How brilliant is that? I have probably heard the conda use this phrase a hundred times but every time he uses it is because hes looking at some fat chicks ass.
Ronaconda is a bit of a legend down at the buttplug and his name is known by many of my friends. Now I'm gonna have to make him a legend in here. After all he is part of My World The Sewer.

I Cream With Genie (1991)

I made a big mistake when I confused this title for the 1988 I Cream Of Genie with Nina Hartley and Tracey Adams which I'm sure isn't very good either but it has to be better then this shot on video piece of crap.
I Cream With Genie is about a bum who stumbles across a (yes your guessed it) a magic lamp while climbing through some garbage. The bum picks up the lamp to examine it and the movie cuts to a sex scene in what is supposed to be inside the lamp, between a genie who doesn't have an erection and a blond bimbo. The homeless man shakes the lamp and the limp-dick genie sex scene becomes all shaky. The genie appears in a puff of smoke that looks like it came from a 99 cent smoke bomb and scolds the bum for ruining his moment and shaking things up. The bum apologizes and the genie starts to grant him wishes. First the genie gives him a place to live, some food and clean clothes. Luckily for bum, this genie grants more then three wishes. The bum wishes for some sex and the genie gladly helps him out. From here on the bum pretty much only wishes for sex and we are forced to watch the same girls in different sexcipades. These sex scenes get tired pretty quick and the only real form of entertainment is these really cheesy scenes where the bum flies around naked with the genie on a magic carpet. One magic carpet scene in particular managed to get a chuckle out of me, The naked bum was complaining about not having any friends. The genie replies in a ridiculous accent "you don't deserve any friends because you're a bum". Then he tells his naked passenger that he has given him everything a man could want and hes still "a no good bum". The genie eventually gives in and gives the bum a friend but I don't think anyone would want to be friends with this clown. He's some long haired rocker dude who looks like he might be in Quiet Riot or something and when its time for him to preform and do the dirty he cant get it up. I Cream With Genie is just full of winners.
I probably would not have been able to make it through this one if I was alone but I did watch it at work with some coworkers and between the awful genie dialogue and his silly accent and some of the atrocious special effects I managed to watch the whole thing. Other then a small chuckle here and there I really hated this movie and just couldn't wait for it to end. It was shot on video and that is always a bad thing, The script was so minimal that it almost wasn't there and the music was almost unbearable. Every sex scene is worsened with music that sounds like it was done on a Kaseo keyboard. Don't waste your time with this one unless you're at work. Its a painful sit through.

H.I.V. Killed Porn

One by one porn productions were put on freeze due to the fact that a anonymous actor/actress tested positive for H.I.V. At this point just about all of the major teams put their productions on halt. In this business this is a very serious thing. Everyone who has come in sexual contact with this person needs to be tested along with anyone who came into contact with that person. Some of these porn actors will have sex with over a dozen people in a day and those people might do the same.

Los Angeles Times-
"Under law, reporting to Los Angeles County HIV Epidemiology Program can only occur upon the return of a Western Blot test. That test was taken immediately upon the first indication of a potential infection, but the results take one week to return,"

I believe the reported infection was on October 14 its now November 5 and these teams are still on freeze. All I know is the new release section down at The Butt-Plug is going to be pretty empty. Theirs gonna be a lot of angry porn addicted lunatics. The rental limit at my store is six at a time. Some of these guys come in and rent six, return them a few hours later and rent six more. These guys don't want to hear about movies productions on a freeze. They wanna beat their bags. These guys can probably cause more destruction then the H.I.V. virus in the pron industry. I'm gonna wear a helmet to work.

Through The Looking Glass (1976)

A cross between The Devil In Miss Jones and Night Dreams with a touch of Valerie And Her Week Of Wonders. Through The Looking Glass is a very dark piece of 70's smut with a lot of style. A rich woman inherits her deceased fathers mansion and her secret obsessive fantasies for him are growing until she sits in front of a old mirror in the atic and her father (Jamie Gillis) appears as a half rotten corpse and finger bangs her. From here on the visits to her childhood mirror become more frequent and with every visit she enters another world... A surreal dream-like world where perversion, fantasy and pleasure is always the main course. The movie works so well in the sense that every time we enter this other devious world, we feel very uncomfortable. The audience just knows that something bad is going to happen. The musical score mixed with the strange use of lighting really adds to the creepy atmosphere of the film. Jamie Gillis is incredible as the supernatural, demonic father and the supporting actors are all believable as well.
In one very strange scene we have a girl douching herself out on the toilet. The camera then enters her vagina and travels around for a bit. Similar to something you would see on a medical documentary or something. We also have all this strange perverse imagery going on, like Jamie Gillis screwing a mound of sand and licking it. Or a golden showers scene with two girls covered in filth inside a bathtub filled with dirty brown water. There's also some incest going on in here which seems to almost be normal for 70's porn. I also feel that Through The Looking Glass has a artistic message about people with to much money not being able to face reality and perhaps not being able too look at themselves in the mirror. One of the best hardcore flicks I have seen in a while. A must see!

Inside Seka (1981)

Nowhere near one of my top 80's porn flicks or even my top Seka porn flicks. Actually this one was pretty lame. Seka writes and directs herself and I assume she learned her lesson because it never happened again. The movie starts off with Seka doing the dirty and talking dirty to her husband. She is reminiscing old sexual acts that she has engaged in. We cut away to flashback after flashback for each past experience she tells her husband of. She of course does it all. Threesomes, lesbian scenes, blowjob scenes etc. Its just your typical hardcore 80's porn flick. The few things the movie had going for it is a scene with Robert Kerman from Cannibal Holocaust and a awesome scene where Ron Jeremy is pulling pud while spying on Seka and her random sex partner. When he tries to join in Seka pushes him away and says "Go suck yourself off!" Naturally Jermey takes her advice and blows himself. Other then that in my opinion there was only one scene that was slightly arousing and its a Seka solo scene with her vibrator. Only worth watching for huge Seka fans. Otherwise there is nothing to interesting or crazy going on here.

Creature Feature (2010)

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Have A Black Halloween

As you all know, its Halloween time and Halloween means lots of parties, lots of beer and of course well dressed folk. This year I went as Black Face mainly because of my odd fascination and the fact that it was a hit in the past. I know Blackface sounds like a lot of fun but sometimes people seem to treat you a little funny. I have been called a racist in the past for my choice of dress which I by all means am not. This year however Blackface made an appearance at a a house party. Since five of my good friends live at this house I figured my Al Jolson get-up would go over just fine. Although I was surrounded mainly by friendly smiling faces there always has to be the downer of the party. This time the downer was a belligerent overweight Caucasian girl with a bottle of Jim Beam in one hand a plastic cup filled with keg beer and ashes in the other. I'm not sure exactly what nerve Blackface struck with this slob of a woman but lets just say she wasn't so friendly. Maybe she was planning on going as Whiteface and felt that I was an arch enemy. Who's to say... All I know is every time I passed by the drunken mess, she put on a pretty good show for the 150-200 people at the party to enjoy. Her first show was punching the walls screaming "I hate him, I hate him!"
I figured things could only get more ugly and violent from here so I tried to keep my distance but theres only so many rooms in a house and it seemed like Blackface and Drunk-Girl were constantly crossing paths. Drunk-Girl disliked my Blackface so much that I was pushed and even had a beer thrown at me. Still I managed to keep my spirits up. After all it is Halloween and what better time of the year to be covered in a little bit of beer. I started to notice that I wasn't the only one who wasn't getting along with this girl. It seemed like everyone was just trying to crawl away from her and everyone was rolling eyes as she stumbled by and spilled beer on their shoes. Well Blackface was starting to have enough of all this. I walked away to get some beer from the keg like a gentlemen but before I could wet my whistle I was pushed out of the way and her ash filled cup was being filled instead of mine which was rightfully first in line. She mumbled some nonsensical drivel at me and I made a few rude comments about her weight problem. Suddenly I have another beer thrown at me. Well this was one to many beers for this performer. I cocked my head back and thrusted forwards and let a nice glob of spit come flying from my white painted lips. Cheers came from all around as if Blackface saved the day and did what everybody else wanted to do. The drunken mess tried to get closer to me for the attack as I shouted out any rude comment that came to mind. There was just to many people in bulky costumes for a drunk to get through. People shouted from different directions for her to go home and I guess even a wet-brain can realize when they are no appreciated because she turned and headed for the door. Before her exit I warned her not to crash her car and die for that would just break my heart. With her absence the party went on.
I feel we have come a long way. We have a black man in the White House and Blackface saved Halloween.