Official Halloween Parody

Zero Tolerance releases yet another crappy horror-porn parody. Unlike the terrible Official Friday The 13th Parody this one offers up a few laughs, mainly from actor James Bartholet (Saw : A Hardcore Parody) who plays Dr. Loomis this time.

This parody would be completely unwatchable if it wasn't for Bartholet. His portrayal of Loomis is childish but extremely funny. Bartholet seems to be the only one who did his homework here and he doesn't do a horrible job impersonating Donald Pleasance. If only the rest of the cast and crew showed the slightest bit of interest we might have had a decent movie here.

This XXX parody was misleading with an opening that was pretty true to the 1978 original. With the steady-cam lurking around outside the windows while a young, unsupervised couple make-out on the couch. This is a porno so of course it goes into a hardcore sex scene and then the Michael Myers character picks up the clown mask and a kitchen knife and slashes his sister up. From here on the movie really goes downhill with inadequate direction and enough continuity to choke a Troma Studios member. They had a real hard time with the day for night and night for day on this one. After a while it almost seems to be done purposely.

The Official Halloween Parody offers up some loony-bin mayhem in a scene where a female patient flashes her vagina and pretends to be masturbating a penis while screaming "Where's my penis?". We get lots of genital grabbing from Dr. Loomis and repetitive yet comedic talk of "The Evil" that is Michael Myers, Anal sex, a tid bit of blood, a nympho nurse, some gun violence, and an obnoxious amount of dirty talk.
Not quite as bad as the average Zero Tolerance horror-porn but not very good either. Only worth watching for a few cheap laughs.

Silk Satin And Sex (1983)

The only thing this piece of trash has going for it is Vanessa Del Rio and she doesn't do anything to crazy except maybe some repetitive dirty talk. "Get my pussy open". A group of girls working for a lingerie company share their stories of how they met their husbands and I have to admit none of them are interesting. This one is entirely to sensitive for its own good. I was surprised when I found out that it was directed by a man because it is just trying so hard to be romantic. Well romance and classic porn don't mix as far as I'm concerned. Pornographic comedies are fine, drama's are okay, horror-porn is cool and the nasty rape ones are the best but romance... I don't think so.
Mai Lin (Prisoner Of Paradise, All The Way In) who I am also a fan of also shares her story of how she met the love of her life with another uninteresting flashback scene. I suppose the best scene in the film is the last one where we get an orgy with Del Rio and a few drunks. For a much better and much more trashy time check out Bizarre Styles which also stars Vanessa and has a very similar plot, except it holds back on all the lovey-dovey crap. Instead it offers up golden showers and fisting... Now that's exciting and filthy at the same time.

Oddysey (1977)

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Rape Victims (1975)

This 70's XXX piece of smut follows a bunch of Rape Victims into a doctors office and we hear their stories and memories one by one. Well luckily for us we don't really have to hear to much. We actually see it in flashbacks. The Alpha Blue print that I picked up was beat to hell and obviously taken from a VHS. with tracking problems and washed out colors. The whole thing was rather blurry and just filled with grit and grain. The picture above was taken from the title sequence on the print that I watched and it pretty much looked identical on my t.v. Something Weird Video also released this thing and I doubt their print looks much better. 

Aside from the bad quality we get one gross rape scene after another. One in particular has Vanessa Del Rio and some other dingbat raping a man at knife point. They tie him to a table and ride him in every way possible. Vanessa delivers the good ole get it up or lose it lines with a sharp blade under the genitals of our victim. We also have a pretty nasty scene where two men get their rape on in a filthy building. They smear some kind of car lubricant all over the victim and I couldn't help but think to myself, wow this girl probably has cancer now or what would happen to her if she went anywhere near an open flame.

The rest of the movie is pretty lame generic mean spirited 70's stuff with a few rough-er-up scenes and of course tons of pubic hair. Check it out for Vanessa's scene. The easily offended should probably stay far away but then again the easily offended wouldn't be reading my blog.

Candy Stripers 2 (1985)

This follow up to Bob Chins classic 1978 film comes around almost ten years later with a cast that consists of the one and only Ron Jeremy and the hideous Karen Summer who I remember best as the younger sister in Kirdy Stevens, Playing With Fire. I always call Karen Summer the down syndrome porn star and her character in this one is as dumb as can be. Maybe she really is retarded...?
Anyway Candy Stripers part 2 is okay for what it is. Its pretty polished for a XXX movie from this era. Its got a few funny characters and a few funny lines. "I feel like horny shit! How is it possible to feel horny and like shit at the same time?". We get threesomes, foursomes and bigger orgies. Ronny uses his rocket like a pro in this one but doesn't produce any good money shots. Actually the film doesn't really offer any good nut-busting, which I found really weird. We have a blowjob on a ski lift, rats fucking and then we have a typical scene where a man in a full body cast gets his fuck on. There is also a Three Stooges homage that runs throughout with three doctors named Dr. Howard, Dr. Howard and Dr. Fine which I found interesting cause some of my favorite Three Stooges shorts are the doctor ones.
The director of this thing (Larry Revene) did the cinematography on a personal favorite of mine called Doom Asylum. He also directed Candy Stripers 3 which I have not seen and he went on to do Deep Throat 2 which is claimed to be unwatchable by some.