Q Spot (2001)

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Lollipop Girls In Hard Candy (1976)

A group of friends and I ventured off to the city for a screening of this 70's 3D sleaze-fest and we all had mixed feelings on the films outcome. The one thing we all agreed on was that the movie was a mess.  I have to be grateful that I have friends who are as tasteless as I and it is truly a moment of its own when a group of sleazoids line up outside of a theater and wait eagerly for their red and blue 3D glasses so we can all sit together and have cum thrown at our faces or have a big fat 70's bush just inches from our eyeballs. If only this thing was shot in smell-o-ramma then we would really be in for it. As we sat down and waited for the movie to start I couldn't help but smirk as I put the glasses on my head and watched the people around me waiting eagerly for the experience.

Quiet the feature has started:                     

Hard Candy is about a dork who works for a candy industry and has his new aphrodisiac lollipops stolen from him. The thief sends the pops out "all over the country" for some reason or other and it basically leads to three dimensional sex. Then theres some stupid subplot about three ancient warriors searching for the gates of Troy.
When I said that this movie is a mess, "mess" might have been a understatement. The truth is that Hard Candy is a mish mosh of footage, some of which looks like it was taken from other films and when its all put together its just pure incoherent chaos. Aside from the incompetent film making, Hard Candy is also by far the most obnoxious porno film I have ever seen. Every character seems to be screaming in really annoying cartoonish voices and glass is being smashed constantly. Then we have some of the worst editing I have ever seen and it is accentuated with placement of random images. For instance a dragon might randomly pop up on the screen for no apparent reason and it will be gone the next second. Obnoxious is probably the best way to describe this one. It kinda reminded me of an episode of The Dangerous Brothers or more commonly known The Young Ones.
With all that said, I kind of enjoyed this screening if not for anything else, at least for its weirdness and as if the film wasn't bad enough, the projectionist let the reel fall off the projector, possibly for a better grindhouse experience. I still have my obnoxious 3D glasses from the screening and now I need to find a copy on DVD so I can be reminded of a night of fantastic pornographic torture.

Orgie En Noir (2000)

Orgie En Noir also known as Orgy In Black is a hardcore Gothic horror porn from France. It was written and directed by Ovidie a French feminist porno-star who was just making a name for her self in Europe. Ovidie stars in this one as a sort of black magic goddess and she is credited as herself. The movie opens up with two young lovers performing oral sex on each other and slugging vodka from the bottle. The couple are cramped up in the back of a car and decide to go to the local "haunted cemetery" where they will have more room and maybe a few more thrills. The couple find a nice tombstone to lean upon while they indulge in some anal sex. They are struck by lightning and killed right where they sit and with cock in anus. The dead couple are carried away by zombies and brought to Ovidie, where they will awaken as the undead and learn their eternal curse. The couple are forced to wander the cemetery for eternity. Of course the dead lovers refuse to accept their fate and try to escape Ovidie but all this leads to is sex and more sex.
Orgie En Noir is a breath of fresh air in the sense that it tries to follow some what of a plot and that's always a nice thing in the 2000's. Also the fact that its French makes the film slightly more interesting. My DVD had the option to watch it in French with English subtitles or to play it in English. The French language is the way to go. It adds a level of depth to the movie instead of an embracing dubbing. Still Orgie wasn't exactly a great movie. The plot was weak and the sex scenes get repetitive. We get some nice sets and a decent actor or two but overall it was uninteresting and not very memorable. Don't expect the Devil In Miss Jones but I suppose its a slight step up from your average fuck-tape.