Bon Appétit (1980)

Not a bad porno flick but has little to none replay value. The acting isn't horrible and we get plenty of locations from around the globe. The only problem is that its a love story. Its all done to nicely and of course whenever us sickos are subjected to movies that are to nice, we feel that there was nothing very memorable about the film.

A working class girl named Faith (Played by Kelly Nichols, Ultra Flesh, Toolbox Murders) leaves her deadbeat boyfriend for the opportunity to make a quarter of a million dollars. Her task is to fuck the ten most desirable men who were voted in by some high society yuppie bitches. Faith has 50 days to complete her filthy mission. The men consists of famous painters, a famous anchor man for channel 6 news, a politician, a famous fashion designer. etc. The only problem is that she is falling in love with her partner/photographer.

If I was to make a list of the ten most desirable men it would have been a much more interesting movie. We would have the one and only cabbage-patch-kids-faced, Arch Hall Jr. (The Sadist), Vigilante mustache bad-ass Charles Bronson (Death Wish), The Italian stallion Franco Nero (Django), Blaxploitation bad-ass ladies-man Fred Williamson (Black Caesar), Porno super star Harry Reams (Deep Throat), Rock & roll legend G.G. Allin (Hated : G.G. Allin And The Murder Junkies), King of orgies and and serial killings Charles Manson, Mutant cock Johnny the wad Holmes (Teenage Madam), The Marlboro Man himself William Smith (Run Angel Run) and of course David Hess from Last House On The Left. Now that would make for a memorable movie.

Ron Jeremy shows up for a cameo in Bon Appétit as a television announcer but doesn't put his rocket to use. Randy West (Playing With Fire) plays Faith's lover and over acts his jealousy a bit. He also makes silly faces as he strips and tries to taunt the audience with his body but for me the best and most memorable scene takes place in a dirty porn theater in Washington where Faith gives a blowjob to a perverted politician while obscenities are being shouted from the speakers of the theater. Whatever movie they were watching, I'm sure it was better then Bon Appétit.

I put this one into the category of couples/porn and that means skip it.

The Legend Of Lady Blue (1978)

The alternate title to this is Confessions Of Lady Blue but I have a confession to make. I am embraced of myself for even renting this lovey-dovy piece of shit. Naturally this nostalgic piece of smut appealed to me due to the fact that it was from the 70's and also has the word BLUE in it. Little did I know that this thing was made for a female audience. Maybe if they marketed it that way, I would have kept my pride and have stayed far away.

The Legend Of Lady Blue tells the sappy tale of two virgin lovers who go all the way before they split paths. Boy goes to the Marines and girl goes to Hollywood to be a star. Well things don't go as planned because boy becomes a love-sick junkie who shoots heroin and slaps Vietnamese prostitutes around and girl becomes a total whore bag who preforms cunnilingus on her superiors to get where she has to go.

Sure there are a couple of funny moments, one of which shows a homoerotic African American circle jerk (complete with silly orgasm faces) but the rest of the movie is just to god damn sensitive. Not my cup of tea. Last time I checked I had a penis which means this movie doesn't appeal to me in the least.